Easter 12/04/2020

9 min readApr 16, 2020

It takes me few days to digest Easter this year with so many biblical resources this year. My local church had a direct verses to preach about Easter, my connect group family took me a to read devotion journey together with more verses, and I was collecting other bits and bobs resources from my own daily devotion, Christian Podcast and Christian Youtube Videos. I guess this writing is my final takeaway on this Easter 12/04/2020, that’s why it’s the main title. But, apparently I found another solid title that maybe fits this season better in my life:

Selah, Slow Down, & Guard Your Heart.

‘Selah’ simply means silence, stop, or pause. I quote this word from the Bible. This word resonates so much in my mind and heart since I started this year. My selah actions are as simple as silence and stop thinking about anything that’s happening outside the world/in my world and just sit, pray, reading bible/Christian gospel book, listen to sermon podcast/video, and reflect. Besides that I also learn to pause before taking an action; think before speaking my thoughts — such as pause when listening to other people, pause when I read a bible verse that I don’t understand, pause when I am overthinking, etc. But basically, I learn to pause to digest information better and creating a better outcome from myself.

I guess the main purpose of selah to understand a situation/event better not only from our point of view but also from our creator (or from holy spirit by Christian belief) outside the distraction of the world.

Can I share my with experience with selah in this season? If so, please read my sharing below.
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So, out of the expectation when I quit my last job, I get plugged in a local planted church so well and able to spend a lot of time be in community and reading my bible daily. Also listening to plenty of gospel podcast & youtube! Unusual for humans like me I know. The person that I know for years, even from a child is quite allergic to touch books, will spend most of her free time sleeping, very ignorant and usually would have zero tolerance towards many things she disagrees with has changed.

However, I think my self-awareness just woke up a few years ago where I need to face my adulting life. My older sister told me years ago that I desperately need to educate myself with books because my mind was too shallow hahaha. By no means, my family and I are not doubting my independence skill — as I am capable of working well and riding solo since I am a very young girl. They called me stubborn instead, in a good way definitely (phew!). But, I think I am more like a product of millennial’s influences. I just wanna be that perfect young girl that media promote the advertisement, you know? (I love commercials! My imagination is quite wild, sorry readers). Moreover, my routine is just working, eat, and sleep after I was out fresh from cooking college. I was programmed to just chase after my career. Then, life hits me hard when I realised I need to grow up in a country where all of my best friends and good friends need to go to their home country for good after they finish with their study/working visa here. Yet, little did I know about life. Especially as I am away from my main family since I was 18 years old. I often told myself that I know what I’m doing, but really, I am sure by now I am still often lost…

A few weeks ago, a friend from church challenged me and my gospel community family to do ‘lents’ before Easter was coming. Lents is 40-day period of fasting and penitence observed by many Christians in preparation for Easter, but I think this usually happens more for Catholics — as I have never done this before. So my friend challenged us to choose anything, it doesn’t need to be food, but we can give up any habits. She also requested us to choose to give up something purposefully. So here I was coming up with a selah idea and I gave up listening to millennials’ song for quite a while — as I am a very mobile human and always driven by music.

That lents challenge hits me so hard. Due to that challenge; I realised that there are so many layers of life that I haven’t figured out already. Day by day I realise more things. Eh? Wait… I thought I already have all my shiz together since I was 20 years old! I thought I am confident, brave, strong, mature, and wise enough to make plenty of decisions in my life. Yet… I am not. Basically, if I wanna be really honest; I am just so blessed to be able to walk in my path currently. All I have is grace.

I felt like I just awakened from my sleep. Cheeky sentence I know. Maybe the right words would be; I felt I was awakened from my fast-paced life. I caught up often in a busy fast lifestyle as a modern young adult; I don’t even know who I am anymore. I forgot the girl who I was too. Although I have so many dreams and clear vision & mission that I want for the future. This feeling felt so real when I am slowing down.

Especially at this uncertain season that happening in our world; COVID-19. This situation forces me to sit, pray, read, listen, and reflect more. I am not panic btw — as I don’t know; maybe because of my faith in Jesus? In this middle of chaos time, I feel more grateful instead; as I have no choice to stay home and can practice selah more.

I think the best part of selah for me is I could accept myself better, as God’s creation that planted for a purpose, rather than seeing myself from other’s people perspective. As I can find my worth no matter what. I can sit in peace knowing that, I am perfectly imperfectly me — however, Jesus will love me and nurture me regardless of where I am in my journey. Furthermore, I am able to discover myself better too; my surplus and my lack that often unseen.

It is funny though; before I thought I am so determined and already made a lot of better changes, yet in the journey; Jesus revealed to me that I am still far away. Even, often I found myself falling over again and again. I gotta admit that I can’t be perfect although my drive is real. I’m glad Jesus is patient with me and He’s good if I gotta bring myself to Him again and again with my imperfectness.

Also, there was a time I happen to asked myself questions often, such as; who am I when all I have is nothing? When the things I visualise as my identity is taken away from me. Who am I without my job, my money, and best physical looks, my status, and my loved ones? Do I idol these things? My sister is not wrong if she told me I am shallow then hahaha. What about my health too? What about if that’s taken away from me too? How am I going to project myself? Then last question; who will be there for me no matter what? I believe I have family & friends that will stay regardless, although, I think the most real answer from those questions are ONLY Jesus and good things inside of me that defines me & can’t be taken away by anything. These answers hit me so hard again.

Somehow I wonder what is my solid reason to start fresh again in the next day with peace in my heart & mind and bring my wide smile to the world. Also, why should I bother? I guess Jesus is my only main reason. With Him, there is so much hope. Without Him, I am unable to continue to begin again, to fight the good fight. No matter how dark my journey is and desperate my environment is; often I am reminded that I can do all good things through Jesus Christ. He strengthens my feet and my hand to finish what I started. Also, I will never be alone. And my unique character that some people may like and some people may dislike? I won’t hold it back anymore; I’ll take that as a gift.

I’ve come to the realisation that nothing in this world is certain. Literally not a thing. Trend sucks, people don’t know what they’re doing sometimes (and anybody that we dearly trust can change too anytime), world’s falling apart, and my physical & mental health is not always on the top. I am also not always making the best choice btw! But, I am glad there is Jesus that remains the same in every season of our life. I’m just so grateful as well there is such a thing called grace in Him that’s ready to catch me when I fall when I am unable to make a wise decision. Whatever it takes, whatever it costs, I’m in it for one thing and it’s Jesus.

Since last year I read a lot of gospel-based inspiring books from many loved & talented females from some parts of the world, such as Hannah Brencher, Jess Conolly, MHN, Liz Bohannon, Joyce Meyer, Christine Caine, etc. Their writing is game-changing, heart-transforming, and mind-blowing. They are able to communicate their voice language into words so wonderfully and speak about Jesus in such a profound way. Definitely, I notice; I am not as gifted as them, and still very young, BUT, if God wants to use me to be salt & light maybe just maybe in this writing space, then I’d say; be it.

So here I am writing my life testimony with my raw, radical, free & authentic style.

I am preparing myself to make room for the new and refuse to be caged by labels, lies, and timelines.

Most importantly I discovered that; I am made of love and built to love.

Let us keep going, make the most of our treasured gift, and keep our head straining forward.

And as so today we already passed Easter, the good news is; He has risen. I don’t want this to be another season that just passed through. 2020 is rough for many of us, but this year is very memorable for me. I want to write, capture, remember, and move forward with what’s in it. Therefore, of course, I am writing my heart out again this week. Especially, my writing is my response to Him how thankful I am as His beloved. This is not only a record but a response to His faithfulness. I don’t have much this season, but I have my thoughts written in this platform. I am just thankful for mind-transforming rest; where I have good reflection over this season — how my healthy options and circles could impact myself so much in the long-run. I am grateful that He is revealing so many aspects of my life that are unhealthy included unhealthy choices that I made. Yeah, that little bit details too that sometimes unseen; Jesus wants to fix that bit too. Breaking every chain. The more I learn about Him, the more I know how much He cares about us. Oh, He cares so much about us, friends. So much.

Oh, another thing I’m grateful for in this season; I’m glad I am able to be in this process and learn to guard my heart as a young adult girl. Guarding my heart lately do make a massive change in life. I am a better person today because of Him.